I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

There is no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours, they will always come out tended.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?